Obama Administration Approves Cross Species Civil Unions

Hoboken, NJ, May 17 2012 — The Obama for America Campaign officially announced their support for Cross-Species Civil Unions after Vice President Joe “Hammer Toe” Biden let his thoughts slip at the annual meeting of the Oxford Toxicological Sciences Society of Hoboken.

When asked for his opinion on Cross-Species Unions by Stan A. Feely, President of the Fisherman Club, and a long-time vocal proponent of cross-species mingling, Biden sheepishly replied: “I am absolutely comfortable with cross-species civil unions.”

President Obama was immediately asked to comment on Biden’s unconventional statement.  At first President Obama was a bit miffed but then responded with his customary statesman-like style: “Joey has put the cart before the horse once again. I would have preferred to announce this after the election but now that the cat is out of the bag I confirm that this is where we are heading.”

Immediately the Republican camp headed by Speaker John Boehner announced that the Cross-Species Civil Union stance is actually a re-labeling of the Republican Cross-Species Relationship Initiative launched by then-President George W. Bush. Speaker Boehner told reporters gathered at his office in Washington DC that “this is just another Democratic attempt to take credit for Republican initiatives. We pledge to continue working in a diametrically opposite direction and will not cooperate with any Democrat even if we have to make the United States a third world country to prove our point.”

When asked for proof that the new Democratic Cross-Species Civil Union stance is actually a Republican program, Speaker Boehner tossed a wad of leaflets in the air that he was squeezing in both hands and stormed out of the room.  Plastered on the Speaker’s face as he exited the press conference was the now defacto “holier than thou” Republican scowl.

On the small scraps of paper tossed in the air was a single quote from George W. Bush:

“I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.”

–George W. Bush, Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000

After the President’s new stance on Cross-Species relationships was unfurled there were reports of rioting and celebrations on a massive unprecedented scale. New York reported a record 578 ambulance runs in one night. Pictured below was the scene outside a lower Manhattan nightclub.

Blarg Hunter: Norfkin World News